Day 7

October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:

Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel? If so what?

I am so proud my Delilah, she fought so hard to stay with us.  I wanted to do something that made me worthy of her love.  I make baby hats for the NICU.  I also buy little newborn onesies and outfits for the NICU.  I get baby books also donate them to the NICU.

I try to be nice to people.  I try to be deserving of my special little baby girl.

Day 6

October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:

Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
One, her name was Delilah she was perfect, and I miss her so much.

Day 5

October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:

Day 5: Do you ever get subtle reminders of your angel(s)? If so what what are they?

Hummingbirds...  They are small delicatre creatures but they work so very hard to live and be alive.  They remind me of Delilah and a few times when I've gotten sad outdoors, a hummingbird has shown up out of nowhere.  It's like she's sending me signs that she is still here and I should not be so sad. 

Day 4

October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:

Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?

Delilah has kept me going.  The thought of her watching me, or her wishing me well.  That one day, just maybe, her little sould will get to return to us and she can be our baby again.  The hope of holding her again, of being able to take her home and raise her, play with her and teach her.  To see her grow into the wonderful person she was destined to become.

Day 3

October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:

Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"?
My husband has been so strong and supportive durring this difficult time. No only did he physically take care of me as I had left the hospital early, he had been there emotionally. We cried together and shared our memories of Delilah. We shared our dreams and what we thought she would have been like.
For a while, right after the loss, I used to get visions of Delilah in my mind. At first she was propped up against a chair sitting, she would wave at me or yawn. Those visions helped me though a lot of dark times as well. They would give me hope, that my baby was still around in some form, that she would be able to return to be, different but her sweet little sould, full of love and joy.

Day 2

October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:

Day 2: Tell us about your child. As much or as little as you like. Names, birthdays, stats.

Her name is Delilah Sage. She was 6 pounds 6 ounces born at 3:56 pm. It was a sunny afternoon full of hope.
She had a stork bite on her forehead. She also had Mongolain spots on her butt which I did not get to see but I read about in her medical report. She had long fingers and shiny nails, so pretty. She had my toes, long and her feet were big. My sweet little Delilah loved to kick, she was a kicker. Delilah was sweet, she exuded happiness and love. It was effervescent. She had a blanch mark on her chest. Her lips were so perfect, my bottom lip and daddy's top lip. She didn't have a lot of hair but enough. So pretty.

Day 1

October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:

Day 1: Who are you? Share as little or as much about you in general.
My name is Bonnie, I grew up in the East Bay. I can't complain too much about my childhood, I had parents that provided for me and a great little sister. I met my husband in 2002, but it wasn't until 2004 that we would start dating. We married in 2010 and moved into our own place in 2011. In 2012 I would turn 30 and I knew I wanted to start having babies.
Growing up I was never much of a "dolly" girl, I didn't want to nurture a baby doll or anything. I was into bugs and Ninja Turtles. As I got older, I still never really got into kids, they were not appealing to me and I didn't want one. When I got together with my husband, it was kind of the same thoughts. I didn't want kids, then slowly, maybe. Now, most definatley.
I think my adversion to children came from not feeling loved by my parents and my fear that my own children would not love me. It's scary, definately.
Then I got into dogs and cats. My whole life I've loved animals, and my husband and I adopted an entire brood of them. i used to be pretty close to them, now, not so much.
During the course of my pregnacy, I came to realize though that love between a parent and child is so natural, so strong. I felt her love as she kicked the crap out of my uterus. I love those love taps.
My Delilah has taught me so much, and I am a better person because of her.