I see the Green Eyed Monster lurking around the corner. I've been pretty good about keeping her away. That bitch is so mean and cold. Aldd that monster can do is wallow in her own pain and not be happy for others.
Why can't I get over it. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for the rainbows. They give me hope. I am happy for my family and friends, but I'm so jealous. Why does everyone get to have their baby but us?
They all say, you can have another, you'll have yours one day. Happiness will come. But that happiness will not be Delilah, not exactly. My beautiful little baby girl is not resting happily in her crib, she is ashes on the shelf in our room. Just saying that feeling like I'm being stabbed in the heart. I feel betrayed. Why world? Why?
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
Day 7
October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:
Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel? If so what?
I am so proud my Delilah, she fought so hard to stay with us. I wanted to do something that made me worthy of her love. I make baby hats for the NICU. I also buy little newborn onesies and outfits for the NICU. I get baby books also donate them to the NICU.
I try to be nice to people. I try to be deserving of my special little baby girl.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Day 6
October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:
Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
One, her name was Delilah she was perfect, and I miss her so much.
Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
One, her name was Delilah she was perfect, and I miss her so much.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Day 5
October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:
Day 5: Do you ever get subtle reminders of your angel(s)? If so what what are they?
Hummingbirds... They are small delicatre creatures but they work so very hard to live and be alive. They remind me of Delilah and a few times when I've gotten sad outdoors, a hummingbird has shown up out of nowhere. It's like she's sending me signs that she is still here and I should not be so sad.
Day 5: Do you ever get subtle reminders of your angel(s)? If so what what are they?
Hummingbirds... They are small delicatre creatures but they work so very hard to live and be alive. They remind me of Delilah and a few times when I've gotten sad outdoors, a hummingbird has shown up out of nowhere. It's like she's sending me signs that she is still here and I should not be so sad.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Day 4
October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:
Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?
Delilah has kept me going. The thought of her watching me, or her wishing me well. That one day, just maybe, her little sould will get to return to us and she can be our baby again. The hope of holding her again, of being able to take her home and raise her, play with her and teach her. To see her grow into the wonderful person she was destined to become.
Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?
Delilah has kept me going. The thought of her watching me, or her wishing me well. That one day, just maybe, her little sould will get to return to us and she can be our baby again. The hope of holding her again, of being able to take her home and raise her, play with her and teach her. To see her grow into the wonderful person she was destined to become.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Day 3
October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:
Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"?
My husband has been so strong and supportive durring this difficult time. No only did he physically take care of me as I had left the hospital early, he had been there emotionally. We cried together and shared our memories of Delilah. We shared our dreams and what we thought she would have been like.
For a while, right after the loss, I used to get visions of Delilah in my mind. At first she was propped up against a chair sitting, she would wave at me or yawn. Those visions helped me though a lot of dark times as well. They would give me hope, that my baby was still around in some form, that she would be able to return to be, different but her sweet little sould, full of love and joy.
Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"?
My husband has been so strong and supportive durring this difficult time. No only did he physically take care of me as I had left the hospital early, he had been there emotionally. We cried together and shared our memories of Delilah. We shared our dreams and what we thought she would have been like.
For a while, right after the loss, I used to get visions of Delilah in my mind. At first she was propped up against a chair sitting, she would wave at me or yawn. Those visions helped me though a lot of dark times as well. They would give me hope, that my baby was still around in some form, that she would be able to return to be, different but her sweet little sould, full of love and joy.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Day 2
October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:
Day 2: Tell us about your child. As much or as little as you like. Names, birthdays, stats.
Her name is Delilah Sage. She was 6 pounds 6 ounces born at 3:56 pm. It was a sunny afternoon full of hope.
She had a stork bite on her forehead. She also had Mongolain spots on her butt which I did not get to see but I read about in her medical report. She had long fingers and shiny nails, so pretty. She had my toes, long and her feet were big. My sweet little Delilah loved to kick, she was a kicker. Delilah was sweet, she exuded happiness and love. It was effervescent. She had a blanch mark on her chest. Her lips were so perfect, my bottom lip and daddy's top lip. She didn't have a lot of hair but enough. So pretty.
Day 2: Tell us about your child. As much or as little as you like. Names, birthdays, stats.
Her name is Delilah Sage. She was 6 pounds 6 ounces born at 3:56 pm. It was a sunny afternoon full of hope.
She had a stork bite on her forehead. She also had Mongolain spots on her butt which I did not get to see but I read about in her medical report. She had long fingers and shiny nails, so pretty. She had my toes, long and her feet were big. My sweet little Delilah loved to kick, she was a kicker. Delilah was sweet, she exuded happiness and love. It was effervescent. She had a blanch mark on her chest. Her lips were so perfect, my bottom lip and daddy's top lip. She didn't have a lot of hair but enough. So pretty.
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