Today my beautiful little girl would have been 8 months old. Delilah would be crawling up a storm, harassing the cats and chasing after her "crawl with me turtle"
Laughing and giggleing, clapping her hands at the fun. We would have been having so much fun!
I miss you Delilah, we should not have to be apart like this.
I feel like time has eased some of the sadness, it is not so heavy but when it resurfaces to pull me under, it's strong. I don't fight this drowning feeling, I just let it happen, eventually I'll resurface.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Day 12
October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:
Day 12: How has the rest of your family dealt with your loss?
I'm not sure. I don't really talk to them that much. As far as the inlaws go, it feels like they are just writting her off and pretending like she never existed. This makes me so mad, just because they have "their baby"
As far as my family goes, there is a cloud of sadness that sticks to them now.
Day 12: How has the rest of your family dealt with your loss?
I'm not sure. I don't really talk to them that much. As far as the inlaws go, it feels like they are just writting her off and pretending like she never existed. This makes me so mad, just because they have "their baby"
As far as my family goes, there is a cloud of sadness that sticks to them now.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Day 11
October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:
Day 11: It is said that Father's and Mother's grieve differently. Do you feel this is true with your angel's father?
Yes. While I let myself feel everything I noticed that my husband tries to be brave and hold it in. He tries to be "brave" I choose to feel and I don't care who sees me crying.
Day 11: It is said that Father's and Mother's grieve differently. Do you feel this is true with your angel's father?
Yes. While I let myself feel everything I noticed that my husband tries to be brave and hold it in. He tries to be "brave" I choose to feel and I don't care who sees me crying.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Day 10
October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:
Day 10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)?
I do not have any Rainbows or other children. We have not been given the ok to TTC until November. I do plan on telling all my future kids about Delilah. She is their big sister, our first born. Nothing will change that.
Day 10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)?
I do not have any Rainbows or other children. We have not been given the ok to TTC until November. I do plan on telling all my future kids about Delilah. She is their big sister, our first born. Nothing will change that.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Day 9
October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:
Day 9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don't other children how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?
I do not have any other children. Delilah is our first child. I think that her passing has made my relationship stronger with my husband. There are times when we still fight but I don't hold back anymore. I tell him and let my feelings explode.
Day 9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don't other children how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?
I do not have any other children. Delilah is our first child. I think that her passing has made my relationship stronger with my husband. There are times when we still fight but I don't hold back anymore. I tell him and let my feelings explode.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Day 8
October is Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I am joining many other women who have suffered loss in a 31-day blog challenge. If you're a mom to an angel baby and would like to join, please do:
Day 8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones?
I think that if I had asked myself this a few months ago, the answer would have been no. No I feel like I am having more okay days. I find that I do not cry everyday. I do think od Delilah everyday but I don't automatically go into the dark place and cry. I do feel guilty though. I feel bad that I am starting to have more better days, it's like survivors guilt.
Day 8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones?
I think that if I had asked myself this a few months ago, the answer would have been no. No I feel like I am having more okay days. I find that I do not cry everyday. I do think od Delilah everyday but I don't automatically go into the dark place and cry. I do feel guilty though. I feel bad that I am starting to have more better days, it's like survivors guilt.
The Green Eyed Monster
I see the Green Eyed Monster lurking around the corner. I've been pretty good about keeping her away. That bitch is so mean and cold. Aldd that monster can do is wallow in her own pain and not be happy for others.
Why can't I get over it. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for the rainbows. They give me hope. I am happy for my family and friends, but I'm so jealous. Why does everyone get to have their baby but us?
They all say, you can have another, you'll have yours one day. Happiness will come. But that happiness will not be Delilah, not exactly. My beautiful little baby girl is not resting happily in her crib, she is ashes on the shelf in our room. Just saying that feeling like I'm being stabbed in the heart. I feel betrayed. Why world? Why?
Why can't I get over it. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for the rainbows. They give me hope. I am happy for my family and friends, but I'm so jealous. Why does everyone get to have their baby but us?
They all say, you can have another, you'll have yours one day. Happiness will come. But that happiness will not be Delilah, not exactly. My beautiful little baby girl is not resting happily in her crib, she is ashes on the shelf in our room. Just saying that feeling like I'm being stabbed in the heart. I feel betrayed. Why world? Why?
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