Before we became pregnant with Delilah, I had pets, have pets. 2 dogs and 3 cats. I was especially close to one of the cats. I would spoil the old man rotten. He would come and sit on my lap and be kicked by Delilah during the pregnacy. At one point I thought he was avoiding us and that made me really sad but it turned out to be the lavendar lotion he didn't like. Whenever I left the house I would tell him: "I love you, be good, see you when I get home" It became a ritual for us. After we returned home from the hospital after we lost Delilah, my heart was broken. My old man cat fell out of his spot in my heart, he became just a cat to me and no longer Sammy my little bow-tie wearing, three legged, yowling loud mouth buddy. The other animals who I was never really close with fell even further from grace. I would lose my temper with them and resent them. At times I even asked them why they didn't die instead.
Delilah would be so dissapointed in me for feeling that way. She was such a sweet soul, I could feel it when I was pregnant with her, when I was holding her. She was supposed to grow up with her "furry brothers and sisters." She was gonna play tea party with them, put Sammy in his bowties, dress Coco and Snow in her teddy bear clothes. She was going to try to feed Maple and Sonic her "yucky" food under the table and they were all going to love her. Maple would probably let Delilah climb and sit on her.
Now they are still here but Delilah is not and I resent them, I hate that they are still alive while my beautiful baby is gone and I will never hold her again. I try to remind myself that the didn't do anything wrong, but it's hard to feel the same right now.
