Defeated

Maybe I don't have the right to feel defeated yet, this is only the third cycle trying to conceive, but it feels like forever.  Forever, like over a year since I had to say goodbye to Delilah.  It's difficult ending every cyclce with out being pregnant.  This cycle has been especially stress worthy.  In additional to all my sad days or maybe because of it, my temperatures have been doing some weird stuff.  Last cycle was the most normal looking one.  This one, so far, I think my body is trying ovulate but failing.  Failing, I feel like I am always failing.  I was supposed to carry Delilah and deliver her safely into this world, but I failed last minute.  I'm supposed to be able to bring children into this world, maybe the years of saying I didn't want kids I'd coming around to kick my ass. I'm falling at the one thing I want to do in the world, to bring life into this world and be a mommy.