It's pointless to cry over spilt milk and I've been doing that a lot lately also but lately I've been thinking about everything that should have been and it breaks my heart to imagine such a future; such a beautiful future and that it won't exist. Maybe an alternate version one day but it just won't be the same. Don't get me wrong I'm grateful for what I have, I love my son. I love him more and more each and everyday. He makes me happy, he makes me smile, even on those nights that he wakes me up a bunch of times. however, I can't help but think that he should have been my last baby and I should have a little girl and a little boy. I don't have issues being pregnant, in fact pregnancy has always agreed with me. The fact is I've been pregnant twice, one living child and one sweet angel. I do want siblings for little Oliver. But being pregnant again feels like it's going to be so much more difficult and it doesn't feel fair, doesn't feel fair that I had to lose my little girl.
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