31 years ago today, I cam into this world.
One year ago, I was happy, I saw a bright future where I would truly have a family and everything would be perfect.
Today I no longer brimming with joy. The images of me holding Delilah as I turned 31 are not reality, a shattered image of what should have been.
I didn't want to see my family today but they forced their way over anyway, despite my sister's best efforts. I'm grateful for my friends and their respect of my need to wallow in my pit of despair.
When I got up I was mad. The stupid little dog stole my cinnamon bun. Then I tried to drown my thought in mindless television, that didn't work, so I went for a drive. The weird thing is that I ended up at Babys R Us. I bought some books with the coupon that they had sent me.
There is me without you. I feel like I should longer exist because Delilah does not physically exist anymore. Her perfect little features, those long fingers that used to brush against me. I love and miss her so much.
31 years ago, I was born, yes, I feel like I should not exist but without me, there would not be a you either. You existed, and some how, were conceived from someone as messed up as me. I love you Delilah.
Delilah is the reason for living, Delilah and her futuer sisters or brothers, hopefully, all sisters. 31 years all seem wasted, no point to any of it. Go to school, get an education, get a job, work, work, work, what's the point. Things no longer appeal to me, family is my goal, to have a beautiful family, work to make them happy, work to provide for them. I have a purpose now.
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