I see them everywhere and hear all the coos and soft cries. I dream of fish, that's supposed to mean someone in the family is preggers. I found out a month or so after I started this post that my cousin is pregnant, she would have conceived around the time I lost my Delilah.
A couple of weeks ago I dreamed of Delilah, kinda, she was in a spaceship thingy, she was wearing a helmet with a visor. She was dressed in a white racing suite. It was like a race of sorts, she was trying to get to the finish to the goal, and doing very well. Pew pew, blow away the competition.
I want a baby so badly, but I want Delilah more. I am afraid that sice my OK to TTC date is approaching and if we do get pregnant right away, I'll be so dissapointed if I don't get my little girl. I really want a little girl, I need her. I'm afraid that if I end up having a son I'll resent him.
What kind of thoughts is that! What is wrong with me, the right thing to think about is that if I am lucky enough to have a happy healthy baby, it is just that. Alive and happy and healthy. I need to get over my craziness.
Maybe I'm not ready.
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