Were you there? Was it a sign?

Yesterday I went to one of my best friend's house warming party.  It occurred to me that this would have been the first time that I would have taken Delilah out anywhere by myself.  I was dreading going,

I don't like to be without my husband nowadays, it feels so lonely, for nine months, I had Delilah by my side.  

I was also dreading the pretending to be happy and smiling, it's always difficult.  At the party, I tried to keep occupied by helping out.  By my thoughts wandered.

I thought about how it was such a hot day, would I have had her in her Ergo Baby carrier?  That would have been very warm, too warm, sticky baby and sticky momma.  Maybe the Maya Baby Carrier?  No that would have been the same thing.  Sticky.  Then I though I could have been just carrying her around?  No, maybe bring her her car seat in?  Or the mini bassinet  thing that attached to her play pen.

I kept thinking about about my darling baby and how she would have been so excited seeing everyone.  She was growing inside me the last time I saw these people.  I was getting pretty sad then I saw this humming bird fly through the sky toward the peach tree in the yard.  Humming birds have been symbolic of Delilah to me ever since she passed away.  It was like she was telling me that she was there and it would be okay.

The thing that really struck me was when I was driving home, I was headed down the street and I saw it, one of the side streets, it had the same name that my husband and I had decided would be Delilah's new name when she came back to us.  It was a sign.  My baby will return us.  I love you baby.