98 Days Later

I guess it takes a storm of tears and convulsions.  Such sadness and emptiness to build up and flood your life.  A feeling that you are lost and will never find your way back.  It has been 98 days since we said goodbye. 98 miserable inconsolable days and nights that tear me apart, shredding away at who I used to be.
Today after a particularly difficult week I realized that I did not cry.  When I realized that I did not cry, I wanted to cry.  So what made today different from all the other days? Maybe my tears ran dry?  Maybe I was too tired to busy to let the sadness catch up to me.  Maybe it was that when I was speaking to my husband on the phone, I had a vision of Delilah.  She was being such a good girl made me so proud.  Maybe it was because I was able to go to the craft store and get more yarn to make more hats for NICU babies.  I don't know what made today different but some how I managed to love my sweet Delilah, to talk about her and miss her without falling apart.  Hey Delilah, Mommy is getting better and your love is helping her get there.  I love you Delilah.