Random

If our home blew up and we all died, it would be ok.  I said that to my husband the other day.  It was after he was telling me about his job and how management wad treating him.  I told him we would be happier if we were dead.  Then we would get to be with Delilah and be a family again. 
Thoughts like that have been entering my mind more often lately.  Dark and twisty per Meridith and Christina.  On Friday there were two idiota on Bart.  They were drunk off their asses and harassing another rider.  One of them was trying to temper down the other.  They annoyed me.  I thought to myself that ppeople like that don't deserve to live.  They are trash.  Idiots that don't take their lives seriously.  Why did Delilah have to die and garbage like that gets to live.  I wanted to kill them.  I wanted to cut their throats and watch them bleed out.     
But Delilah would not want me to think that way.  She was such a sweet and kind soul.  Why did she not get to stay?  She would have been three months old today.  In theory starting to wear her "3 month" clothes.  Then we would have been putting away her newborn clothes for her possibly for a future younger sister.  But Delilah never got to wear her newborn clothes.  I never got to put her little socks on her or snap the little snaps on her onesies.  I never got to wash my darling little girl. 
I miss her so bad.  Today will be a bad day, but I should concentrate on her life and the time we had together. Tomorrow will be worse.  Tomorrow will be three months since we said goodbye.